Friday, February 24, 2012

From the back of my journal


“I’ll have to wake up”
as told by an insomniac

I hate sleeping. Maybe because I don’t do it often. Sitting up in bed, forced to listen to my sister’s deep breathing, I hate myself for not doing the same. I lie on my back and stare at the clock’s projection on my ceiling. Minutes move slower at night. I know it.
The black air turns milky with lazy sunlight. The darkness is giving me a few precious moments to fall asleep. That’s when my strength melts, my resolve fades away. I stop praying for my friends and family, for the world’s broken condition, and start begging. Most often, silent tears twist my face. Sometimes I’m granted the two hours of silence left. Others I lie awake until someone gets out of bed.
One might think that if I get to sleep, it’s better. I believe it’s worse. If I fall asleep, I always wake up with a feeling of dread. I fumble to the bathroom, switch on the light, and expect my reflection to distort into a horrid monster. But it’s only me looking back.
If darkness remains, I turn out the light and return to my bedroom. Something follows me. It’ll grab me if I don’t get into bed and under the covers quick enough. Who knows what it plans to do then?
It must have been some bad nightmare to warp my imagination in such a way, but for the life of me I can’t remember what it was about. All I know is, if I go back to sleep, it’ll haunt me again. Lying awake is torture, but sleeping is worse. Because then I’ll have to wake up.

12 comments:

  1. Very intriguing, Charli... I know exactly how you feel... Unfortunately for me though, I already know what awaits in my nightmares. Good to know I'm not the only insomniac out there. ;)

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    1. I really must get better at responding to your comments. 'Cause I really do appreciate them. :)

      You see, I have some pretty awful nightmares that I'm aware of, as well, but they just don't scare me. I don't know... maybe it's because I can reason them away? But when I can't remember what the dream was about, and all I have left is fright, I can't make it stop.

      I'm sorry that you don't sleep either... I'll be praying for you tonight. :)

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  2. Wow, I really like that! It's amazing all the talent around me. Everyone makes me jealous. :(
    I really like the way you described every little detail and feeling. It was awesome!

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    1. Oh, Karyn, from what I've read, you've got plenty talent yourself. :D I can't write poems to save my life.

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  3. Same with me! I wake up every morning at about 4 a.m. Then, I have to listen to my sis snore till about 6. SLEEPING IS THE WORST PART OF NIGHT!

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    1. Hey, Faith, thanks for checking out my blog! A few years ago I would have argued to no end with that statement, but I'm starting to agree. I do love the quiet that the dark brings, but after a couple hours of not being able to do anything about it, it starts to drive me a little crazy.

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  4. Aw, I know how you feel about trying to fall asleep. I used to have a horrible time, but it's gotten better over the years.

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  5. Can you invite me to your blog, "The Written Word?"

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    1. Actually, making it private was my way of deleting it - I don't use it anymore, but I do want to keep it for personal reading. This blog is my only one still in use. :)

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  6. Howdy! I'm Hannah. Adrienne and Karyn's youngest sister.
    I really loved that blog post. You are very descriptive. I wish I could wrote poetic as you. I plan to read many more posts on your blog. I can;t wait to be more acquainted with you! I really want to be your friend.

    -from,Hannah

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    1. Hi, Hannah! Thanks for leaving me a comment. :) Would you believe that I wrote this in the wee hours of the morning? All my best work is done when I'm dead tired.

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    2. Your Welcome. Yea...I usualy write when I'm done for the day.(Meaning when I'm finished with school work.)
      I just learned how to use a protractor.:)

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Comments! They make me melt a little. :)